Completly and Utterly Overwhelmed

Dear Readers,

I just had my first meltdown of the semester. You know school has officially started when I freak out and have a can't breathe - can't see through the tears - sobbing uncontrollably - feeling like I'm the stupidest person alive - wanting to quit school and run away from all responsibility, moment.

Sounds like I'm quite the mess eh? The giant pile of tissue sitting beside me is proving that that might be the actual case. Ruth Stewart is a huge mess. Sigh.

I can't have another last year, where I put everything off last minute. This year is different. It's harder. My classes are more intense, and therefore require a lot more attention and studying. However, I haven't done anything to make this year a better year. I mean, yes I did buy a more functional desk, and yes, I did get a new chair, and filing cabinet and made myself organized in that way. But have I used the desk? Nope. Have I sat down on that comfy white chair? Nope. Instead, I choose to make a circle of books around me, stack up all my text books and binders on the floor and sit on my butt in the living room, staring at the overwhelming mass that is begging for my attention. I'm doing what I did last year. Isn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and yet expecting a different result. I suppose that makes me insane.

I don't know what my problem is. Deep down I know I'm smart. But the rest of me is telling myself that I'm already going to fail before I've even given myself a chance. I knew how hard this semester was going to be before it even started and yet I didn't even give myself the chance to stay on top of things. It seems like the 7 days of school that I have been in are already kicking my butt.

One thing I know for sure, what I'm doing isn't working. Now, for all you people who made it through university, any tips that you could share that helped to motivate you to study? I could use all the advice I can get. I really don't need another meltdown. I don't think I can afford the tissue.

Love you all,
Thanks for listening to my babbling, I already feel a bit better getting it out in words.

xoxo
Hysterical ME