Thursday, April 25, 2013

Future talk

Hey lovelies,

Wow, I have had the best mini vacation ever. During a last minute change of plans I was able to see my cousin last night. She pointed out that this trip I wasn't here to 'do' anything. Every trip in the last few years that I've been on has been to 'do' something. I came to Toronto in the December of 2010 to dress and shoe shop for Amanda's wedding. Then July 2011 was the actual wedding. I went to Vancouver Jan of 2012 for my brothers wedding and now back in Toronto for April 2013 to do nothing but visit. It's kinda nice!

I made this trip really short to squeeze in between my exams and the start of my new job so I didn't have time to call everyone I I know. In all honesty it was so nice not running around and scheduling time slots and transportation to see people. The next time I am here I can hopefully rent a car and it will be much easier. But this trip my goal was simply to see Amanda and her precious baby girl Scarlett.

I am leaving for home tonight and I honestly am so so sad about it. This trip came at a strange time for me because I'm realizing that as my degree slowly comes to an end this year, the possibilities for me are open. I can do what I want. And go/live where I want. I was even looking up rental places and searching jobs here in Brampton. And my cousin offered for me to be roomies with her. It's just... Exciting and scary and open.

We shall see where God leads me. I'm excited with the possibilities though.

Much love my friends,

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Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Bit by bit

I did it again. I literally have done a 360. Full circle. Full crappy circle. You think 365 days of me time would have taught me a lesson. But no. I chose the worst. The worst chose me. I don't know who chose who. 

I think I'm guarded, but really I think I'm just ripped a part bit by bit.

It's sad really. People's advice doesn't work. I can't be rude or harsh or cold or standoffish. I don't know what works. Nothing I'm doing works. But suggestions don't either. I was told I love hard and fast. I don't want to. But I don't want to become calloused and jaded. I think the latter is taking over though.

I think that solo movie was a foreshadowing of how my life needs to become now. Maybe my 24th year is a Ruth solo and happy year. Cause Ruth dating isn't working...

Who knows. I don't. Sigh.

Sorry for the depressing post. I just needed to get it out.

Here is to you: JA, JV, JI, MF, JB, JP, RT, MS, MH, AB, EP, SK, JO, DN
Thank you.

Love, Me

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Love this

Love that quote so much. Something to really think about! Also, I'm totally obsessed with this song lately!  Beneath Your Beautiful - Labyrinth Happy Saturday lovelies!


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Friday, April 5, 2013

Something new

Hello my lovelies,

It's almost been a year since I've neglected my dear blog. What a shame. It's been a crazy year  for sure, and I won't fill you in on everything that's happened (trust me, it's a blessing to not get into details!). This past week has been pretty interesting for me though.

I went for coffee with a friend on Saturday. Her and her husband are early 20s and always look amazing. They have great style, great hair cuts, great bags, great shoes and and and get it. So, me and my friend were talking and I was saying how they always looked great and she told me I needed to just 'go for it'. I had a listed off a few things for her and she kept saying "Ruth! You need to do these things NOW or you will always have regrets". She was right. There are so many things I've wanted to do, and slowly I've just let myself go. So. Sunday I got myself into a dress and did my makeup and went to church. Tuesday I dressed up for my internship (how I used to dress) and got compliments the whole day at school. Wednesday I had a breakfast date and wore a top I haven't in forever with lace on the arms. Thursday I went and got a hoop in my nose which I've wanted for a long time. And then tonight I decided to take myself on a solo movie date. These things all seem small and strange that I'm listing but they were all baby steps for me. Going to a movie alone was one of my biggest fears. It always comes down to 'what will people think of me?'. Whether its how I dress, or if I do something different with my hair or if I wear lipstick. I always worry about what other people think. And this week I just kicked that in the butt.

I honestly feel liberated. It's like I have a peace deep within me and an excitement for what I will do next. I started hating myself over the last few months. I would only wear yoga pants and hoodies and I had stopped doing my hair much. It's like I became a shell of myself. Other people probably wouldn't have noticed... but it was eating away at me. So yes, this week has been interesting for sure. I feel a new sense of pride in myself and independence again.  I had a lady ask me what I learned from my past breakup a few months ago and I had to really sit and think about it. I'm happy I'm learning and growing and reflecting and changing.

This post is all over the place, but that's how I'm feeling. Just excited and my mind is racing with things that I've always wanted to do but was always too afraid of what people would think. This is a new chapter for me. And I cannot wait!


p.s: Here is an amazing Spoken Word link. Watch it!

Monday, July 30, 2012

Best friend

I really am feeling like I am missing out on that classic best friend experience. I wish I had that friend who enjoyed the same things as me. That person who we wanted to hang out together all the time. Who I told everything too. Yes, I have dear dear friends. But sometimes I get so lonely stretching my time over so many people and really only see anyone one a month or two. I really am going to start praying for that person. I don't want a boyfriend or a husband. I want a best friend. I have friends who are there when I'm crying and I can call them and they listen. But I want that person for the good times. To go do fun things together. Bah.

Lonely sappy me


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