5 stages of grief

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Well, I finally got over myself, and sobbed like a baby about Michael #2. Definitely have not let myself cry about it. And now I've hit the angry stage. But according to all the 'smart-know about everything-people', that's perfectly normal.

My dad once told me that every time you break up with a boy, a piece of your heart goes with them too. But how do you figure out what you want/need in a man if you don't date. It's such a tough call to find the line I guess.

All in all, I'm so angry with myself for continually letting myself get heart broken. And for being such a hopeless romantic and believer in love. And I KNOW that it will 'happen' for me someday, and I know that I am young etc.... but it doesn't help. All it helps is that I put my feelings aside for longer and continuously tell myself these things, that I'll be okay, and it will be okay. And then I crack. I'm waiting for the 'I hate men' stage. At least I'm not binge eating or something.

Nothing makes it easier. I don't know if even talking about it or writing it down like now makes it any easier. But I'm definitely feeling just hopeless in regards to men and love. And I definitely am taking a break. I think I am going to take a year off from a relationship. Not to say something is going to pop up within in a year or even if the year ends, but I need to be alone and be happy with me. Men aren't the happy maker. And I know that.

Rambling me,

Ruth