Well then...

So,

I've been thinking about mutual respect in relationships since last night as I could feel my sass coming out towards a certain gentleman. And I was thinking about my 'attitude' and 'tone' towards men that I've dated. Which got me to thinking, that I find I am sassy and give attitude towards men who I feel are treating me this way. It's like a reciprocal affect. I mean, I can be sassy in a flirty way, and then just plain snappy back. Basic girl mannerisms. I was reflecting on two guys in particular who I didn't want to be that way with them, but I felt like I had to because I didn't deserve to be treated or talked to the way they were treating/talking to me. Not that it makes it right, I mean really I should have just realized that they weren't right for me to begin with, but it's not uncommon for people to stay in abusive relationships whether they be physical or emotional.

Anyways, I was thinking about my actual one good relationship in the fact that I really don't ever recall being that way towards the person. But he wasn't that way towards me either. We just had a mutual respect. Which, probably sounds like a "yeah, duh!" thing to everyone else, but I don't really know if I realized that. I mean, I'm sure there were times if we argued that we had attitude or something, but when I look back that isn't what I think about. Which is actually all I can think about with those past two relationships. So, obviously this non-sass relationship wasn't all that and a bag of chips or it wouldn't be a past relationship, but it makes me kinda happy (and a wee bit sad) realizing that despite all the negative things I've heard about having too much attitude or speaking in a rude tone (yes yes I hear it from people, can you imagine? Sweet me hearing such things!), it's nice to know that I'm capable of a relationship with mutual respect. It kind of sparks hope I guess.

Also said gentlemen that I was giving sass to last night, told me today that my mood affects people (this isn't to say everyone person obviously, maybe just around certain groups of my friends?). He said people can walk into a room and be grumpy or overly happy and it won't affect everyone, but as soon as I walk into a room my mood is contagious. And I've seen this in a few examples but I guess I don't pay attention to it as much as certain people who are around me would. My reply to him was that it wasn't fair and I should be allowed to have grumpy days just like everyone else. Of course his reply, typical male, was that it didn't matter if was fair or not, that was the matter of fact and I needed to take from it what I will.

So, that's defiantly going to be something I will have to work on if it's really true. It feels like a lot of pressure to me, but I understand I guess. Oh, me and my attitude. Sometimes it's just not fun learning more and more things about yourself that you need to change and work on. But I gotta say, I just don't think I'd be the same Ruth without my sass!

Love you guys,
Thanks for putting up with all my Ruthness.

xoxo
Rutta