Never before...

Darling friends and family,

Never before have I considered moving on my own. It's always been my parents decision moving us from place to place. I mean, don't get me wrong, my parents decisions I'm sure were right for them at the time, but maybe not necessarily right for us kids at the time. It seemed to happen that as soon as each of my siblings graduated, we moved. Usually without much notice. For example, they didn't tell me until like July 14 2005 that I would be moving from Brampton, Ontario to Edmonton, Alberta. I didn't get to say goodbye to a lot of my friends who were on vacation, just up and moved.

Moving so many times has really taught me how to make friends fast. I mean I hate it. I feel sick to my stomach and my palms get sweaty, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Smile. Key is to smile. And laugh. Which I do lots of, so it's come in my favour over the years.

I was born in Peterborough, Ontario in 1989. I believe a year later, when I was one (I could have been two?) we moved across the country to to Langley, BC. From there just before I turned 5 we moved from southern BC to the very top of BC to a place called Fort Nelson. I started kindergarten there, and completed grade 4. Which is when Stephanie graduated high school. This starts the beginning of our moving spree. From there, we moved south to a place called Tumbler Ridge, BC where I completed grades 5, 6, and 7. This was when my brother Kyle graduated. On to the next place. From Tumbler Ridge BC, a place of 1500-2000 people at the time, to across the country again to Brampton, Ontario a city of 400,000 people. I completed grades 8, 9 and 10 there. This is when Heather graduated high school. So silly me for not realizing we would be moving once again! This time to Edmonton, Alberta with a population of just over 1,000,000 people. This is where my parents decided to 'put their roots' down. I started grade 11 in a school that was the population of Tumbler Ridge! Which in a sense has happened already as my sister has now married a through and through Edmontonian and they've recently had a child.

We've now officially lived here over 5 years. This is the longest I have ever lived in one place in my entire life. It's a weird realization...

What this really comes down to, is I've gone through many stages of dealing with this fact about me. Some people think it sounds really cool to have moved so much, and some give me a sympathetic stare and say "aww, that must have been hard".

Truth is, each move was different. For the most part, my parents in the end moved us right when they should have when I look back at it. There timing for telling us wasn't always right on, or telling us to keep it a secret was never easy, but I've come to appreciate some aspects that moving has changed me. One very positive way is in learning how to meet people.

On the other hand though, there was a point last year, where I broke down and realized that we weren't leaving Edmonton. And that I was an adult now and even if my parents decided to move, I'd be able to make my own decision whether to stay or go. It was a really significant moment for me. What was even more so significant was telling my mom this, and that was that I was almost scared to stay here.

I love the fact that now I have friends in multiple provinces and places to visit and people to stay with, should I ever go out in those directions again. But I've become almost harden to the idea of moving ever again. Yes the thought of staying here terrified me, but the thought of leaving terrified me more. I've always felt like when people talk about moving that it's personal to me. As though they are leaving me behind. It's such a selfish view but I know it purely has to do with the fact that I'm always the one who leaves, never the one who has to see other people leave. So, why would I ever choose to move when now I have the opportunity like my parents to place some roots? It didn't compute in my head.

Until today actually....

I've never considered moving ever before. The thought of going somewhere on my own and living somewhere away from my friends and family makes me want to pee myself. But I think today I realized that I have so many options.

I'm struggling with what I want to do about school. Whether it is to continue with Psychology or not, because I'm finding I'm not enjoying it anymore. It doesn't feel like this is what I want to be doing. But today I realized, I could go anywhere, I could do anything I want. I've adapted to new places so many times in my life, why wouldn't I be able to handle it now that I am older? It's just an interesting thought to me. I haven't made any decisions or anything so don't worry, I'm not moving any day now or something, this is just a really significant moment to me and I wanted to share it with the people I love and who love me.

So thank you to all I have met recently or have known for years. I love each of you and I feel very blessed that I have each of you a part of my life!

Much love,
xoxo
Ruth